So yeah, I'm pretty sure I've now gained back all the weight I lost. Someone come kick my butt back into shape, please.

Here's to hoping I'll start working on curbing my eating habits and working out again. I hate winter. I don't walk as often and my winter clothes are all too small. :(

 I'll probably mostly be ignoring this thing during the rest of the month.  Just thought I'd pop in and say I'm well ahead of the mark.  I should get 50k for sure.  I'm hoping I'll be able to at least start the second novel, but this first one is turning out to be a lot longer than I was expecting it to be.

Well, it is October 3rd now.  I will be having a garage sale in about 8 hours.  I made over $100 last week.  I'm hoping for the same result again this week.  I'm crossing my fingers and hope, hope, hoping!

Plans for the vlog are still on hold.  I think I may do a NaNo vlog and then pick up the weight loss vlog afterward.

I was planning on doing NaNo prep during October, but I haven't yet.  Prep work for me just being doing word prompts and free writes to get the flow going.  I'll try and start tomorrow, but I'm a master procrastinator, so we'll see what happens.

I'm off to go relax and hopefully get some good sleep before I sit around the garage for half the day tomorrow.

I was going to start a vlog this month, but I was really bad and didn't prepare enough during the last few days.  I'm debating whether or not to just start it tomorrow or if I should just write up what I was going to say.

Basically, I was going to make a series called the "Bria Chronicles" with Season 1 being all about my weight loss journey and thoughts I had on weight loss.

I kind of want to do the vlog just to watch the changes in my face and whatever parts of my body may be visible at various times, but at the same time I really wish I would have started it on the 1st... but it's 12:30 am here so we are now on the second day of the month.

So... maybe you'll see me posting a link to youtube tomorrow... or maybe you'll just see me writing up more of the stuff I've done in the past...

The only thing is... I don't want to interrupt the "weight loss" season with a "nanowrimo" season come November.

I'll do some thinking for a few hours after I get up.

I wish I hadn't gotten out of bed today.

I was out at a Pirate Party last night (tons of fun).

Then when I got up, my mom came to tell me the Asshole was dropping off a harddrive so I could back up all his files. About 20 minutes later he brought the harddrive and then started to tell my mom what exactly she should back-up, even though he knew I was just going to copy every thing on there. So he stopped midsentence and said, "Nevermind."  

Now my mother is insisting on trying to view whatever files they were. But she lacks the patience to let the computer load all the way so she's double-clicking and double-clicking and double-clicking as the computer is still loading. I think she killed it. I hope she killed. I can just sell, well... it looks like you had a virus from all that porn you looked at. You'll just have to live without your precious "pictures" and files.

I had to eject her from the computer room so that the computer could take the time it needs to start up and recover from her click fest.

Part of me thinks he did it just to annoy the fuck out of her and try and get her to be all sick again.  But I think I'm the one that got annoyed more than anything.  My mother just got frustrated because the computer isn't fast enough for her impatience to find out what a sick perverted man the Asshole is.

So, I've been slacking a great deal in my editing, but I decided yesterday to suck it up and go to the library today for a long editing session.  And I did a LOOOT of pages.  I'm over halfway finished with my first round of editing now.  Though I think towards the end my editing wasn't the greatest.  I think I will definitely need to go back and re-edit a number of the pages I went through, but I'm just going to keep moving forward for now.  I'm hoping, now that I'm sort of back on track (still need to work out the math real quick), that I can get the initial editing phase done by the end of the month so I can spend October working on ideas for Book 2.

I now have 3 projects for NaNo.  I'm probably going to start with my "Dear Mother" story and if I start failing... I'll pick up with Book 2.  If that fails, I also can work on my Urban Fantasy.  Bonus points if I actually write more than one and get all the ones written past 50k words. ;)

 I'm feeling in a particularly good mood about this all, despite also feeling like I've done a crap editing job on the last 10-20 pages I edited.

That's right. The official NaNo badges and icons have been released. It's still just over two months away, but it is definitely right around the corner. I'm working hard to get myself two different projects I can work on during November just in case one flops.

And I should totally be in bed right now. >.>

You know you have them. Things that you'll just eat and eat. Even if you portion it out beforehand, you don't just do the size on the container. You double it, triple it, etc.

My big portion control weaknesses right now is Ice Cream. That half cup on the carton just doesn't seem like enough. I want a nice big fat bowl of ice cream. That bowl that holds two cups? Yeah I filled it up. From time to time I have actually managed to go for a week or two only serving myself the actual half cup servings, but inevitably time goes by and I forget about using the little bowls or I just crave it so much that I get out the big bowl and dish myself up a massive serving.

I also have portion control issues with Reeses Peanut Butter Cups. Or really anything peanut butter related. I love peanut butter, even the fake stuff (most of the time). I'm actually getting better at this portion control issue. If there are Reeses Peanut Butter Cups in the house they better damn wall be individual packaged, otherwise all is lost. Though the portion size is generally for two cups, 260 calories for a snack is not really acceptable unless of course I have somehow managed to eat enough carbs, protein and fat for the day and still have room in all plus enough calories still available to eat two. But that's probably not going to happen all that often. But yeah, so far I seem to be able to handle the individually wrapped packages. I'll eat a maximum of one of day. But I just have to remember to put it somewhere I don't look to often.

Let's not forget Macaroni and Cheese either. I'm not sure what is even considered a "good" portion size for this stuff, especially since lately I've only had the homemade kind. But even when I used the Kraft boxes, let's be honest. I ate the whole thing in one sitting. That's right, a WHOLE box of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese fits quite well in this stomach of mine and it makes it very happy. On the very rare occasion I would only eat half... Generally I tend to serve myself around a cup or cup and a half of homemade macaroni and cheese. Which I'm sure is probably more than I should eat.

And the evil of all evil portion control weaknesses... Pizza. The worst part about pizza is that when you buy it frozen, the portions listed in the box are always weird sizes. Who really eats 1/5 of a pizza? I don't know about you, but I generally cut the pizza into quarters and then cut each quarter in half, giving me slices that are 1/8 of the pizza. Then I generally eat two slices, sometimes three. But lets face the facts, frozen pizza is just bad for you. Lets load up around 1000mg+ of sodium which is half what I aim for each day, then lets toss in more saturated fat than is recommended. It tastes oh so delicious, but it clogs my arteries and makes me retain water like nobodies business. If you can find me a good frozen pizza with low sodium that doesn't cost twice the price for half the size, I will LOVE you forever (meaning it better be damn close to the price of a regular pizza D<).

But yeah... These are things I need to work on... Let's kill that Portion Control Weakness Demon!

Something about this weekend resulted in me totally slacking on the things I wanted to get done.

I have, though, packed up most of my books. I'm pretty sure there are a few stragglers hiding somewhere. Probably in my boxes from my apartment.

I did try and install Ubuntu, but the test run before the install pretty much showed that my video card is incompatible. I'm going to try again sometime, and see if I can't find a driver. I -think- that my mother board has an onboard video card, but it's so freakin' old, who knows. If it does, it -should- be compatible. And then I can go ahead and install the sucker and see about getting the other video card all happy.

And seriously slacked by doing some rearranging of the computer room, so my music laptop is now sitting next to my desktop. So now I have all my music right at my finger tips now. Yay music for writing!

I seriously need to put in some heavy reading time so I can return all the books I have checked out from the library. And I need to put in some serious Spanish time. I haven't been practicing or doing any lessons the last few days. I really need someone I can practice with.

So... right now I'm going to try and catch up on the editing I slacked on. Then I'm going to go through another Spanish lesson. Then read... Then write... then maybe sleep. I dunno about the sleep thing. I've been having a really hard time lately even though I've been working out. Working out usually fixes my insomnia issues, but not right now. I guess I'm just too wound up from all the shit my dad is putting my mom through.

I guess we'll just have to wait and see. With any luck I can get a job and start getting a real schedule down.

I meant to post last night, but I apparently got distracted.

I went for a 50 minute walk last night around the neighboorhood and then a few hours later I did 24 minutes on the bike. It felt really good. I was kind of worried that I'd be too tired since I had gone for a long walk not too long before, but I made it to the end and even did a little bit of jump roping after.

I really do need to try and do the bike in the mornings though, since I prefer walking outside when it's getting darker. I don't get up early enough when it's cool enough for me to walk outside in the mornings. :P

I also stayed up waaaay too late last night. I really need to try and go to bed earlier. I was hoping working out so much would put me right to bed, but for some silly reason I decided to pop a movie in...

- Take dance lessons (all kinds, ballroom, latin, etc.)
- Take a martial arts class... I've been taught random things from Akido and Taekwondo, but had no real training at all and probably can't even do any of things I've been taught correctly anymore.
- Get published, whether it just be a short story, article or a novel.
- Run a 5k.
- Be able to speak Spanish fluently.

In case anyone cares, I've started updating my stories_by_bria again. I posted all the entries I already have written up. I will start to get to work on my post for next week.

Also, as I played around with trying to do a story telling version of the first entry, I realized it so isn't going to work for trying to do aloud. I just really need a short story to tell. Reading clips of a story just doesn't work as well...

I'm really bad about doing things without a firm deadline and without someone to answer to.

That's why NaNo always works so well for me.  I have a firm deadline and I have not only the people I talk to online that also do NaNo to answer to, but I have the local group where I live to answer to.  It also helps that we have a friendly competition with another nearby NaNo group.

Blogging about things I'm working on and trying to do just doesn't have quite the same effect.

I've also tried creating a schedule for myself, but I always end up screwing it up.  Either by the fact that I'm in 'Night Owl' mode when I make the schedule and the schedule is set for 'Early Bird' mode, or by having something come up (like my sister calling at 2am) that puts me back in 'Night Owl' mode.

Right now I'm contemplating doing some sort of video log to see if that can help me stay focused.  If make a commitment to post a video everyday... maybe, just maybe... I can keep up a schedule.  Not that anyone will probably watch it. =P

So, some ideas I'm throwing around right now are...
- Reading picture books, especially ones that have Spanish and English (to help me work on my grasp of the Spanish Language).
- Talking in Spanish (again, to help me work on my grasp of the Spanish Language).
- 'The Bria Chronicles' which could by anything from me just talking about what I did that day to maybe even talking about my weight loss journey.  Or possibly doing a creative story telling bit.  Where I write short stories and tell them.  Not just read them, but you know actually tell them.

I'm currently leaning very heavily towards 'The Bria Chronicles' with a focus on my weight loss journey.  But I'm also really liking the idea of doing 'The Bria Chronicles' as a story telling bit.  I'm not so great at the short story thing though....  Novels, yes.  Short stories, no.  I would definitely only do the story telling bits once a week since I'd need to first write the story and then practice it a ton to get it right.

Who knows... maybe I'll do both... and call the second bit, 'Storytelling with Bria'  or 'Storytime with Bria'.  Maybe I'll even make some costume or get up to go with it and take on the actual character of Bria.  Because Bria Teragram is afterall just another one of my characters.  Edit: I totally just realized I could always try doing my serialized story as my storytelling venture.  I think I may practice doing the first bit.  I've only got about 4 days worth of writing an the story right now though...  But if I actually start writing and keep writing 30 minutes everyday I could easily get one session out a week at least.

Ideas, thoughts, and comments are very much welcome on the whole idea.  What would YOU like to see Bria do?

I am 26 and my parents are getting divorced.

Daily
1. Do a Spanish lesson.
2. Spend at least 30 minutes a day editing NaNo 2008.
3. Spend at least 30 minutes a day doing creative writing.
4. Read at least one picture book in Spanish a day.
5. Spend at least 30 minutes a day reading.
6. Take a few notes each day for NaNo 2009 prep work.
7. Apply to at least 3 jobs a day.
8. Go for a 30 minute walk a day, even if raining/snowing/etc.

General
1. Go through books. Get rid of at least some of them. Pack the rest.
2. Finish sorting through totes in bedroom. Throw some stuff away, set some aside for garage sale and pack the rest in the smallest tote.
3. Drag boxes out of the basement. Sort.. throw away, garage sale, repack the rest.
4. Go to the library and pick up more Spanish Picture Books. :P
5. Install Ubuntu on my desktop computer.
6. Brainstorm possible Video projects that involve books, writing, storytelling or libraries. Youtube here I come! Then plan sessions and begin recording!!!

Other Task Completed:
- Walked for 47 minutes instead of just 30, also soaked feet after the long walk since it's been a long time since I've done a walk that long.

I have finally crossed one item off the general list, though I'll need to repeat the task in about a week. :P
I also wrote down one idea for a Video Project.

And it feels good to say I finished all the daily tasks!

Over the past several months, I've come to understand that I'm an "All or nothing" kind of person. If go at anything I do all out. If I fail, I just quit.

That's how weight loss goes for me. I always pick it back up again, make another run at it. But then I work myself so hard that I get hurt, which then puts a complete stop to any working out.

This last run, I tried to work through the pain. But then came one of those awful periods. The ones that leave you stuck in bed, barely able to move because the cramps are so bad. Those things pretty much leave me listless for a few days. Unfortunately, after I had recovered from that, I couldn't manage to bring myself to workout. In my mind, I had already failed because I had missed 3 days of exercising and I was already having trouble before that because of a sore ankle.

Now I sit here, contemplating what to do. It's been over a month since I seriously worked out. Can I actually get myself to moderate my exercise? I don't think 30 minutes a day of walking is too much to ask. But then when I look at my weight and look at what I've already eaten today... Part of me stands there saying, I need more. I need more. Maybe adding in some 24 minute bike sessions three times a week. But will I be able to do that? Can I keep that up? And then what about strength training? I know that it's really good for weight loss. It doesn't necessarily make you lose weight, but it helps increase your metabolism so when you do Cardio exercises, you burn more. What should I do? Pilates? Free weights? Or maybe I should even trying doing one of those circuit training tapes again?

And then of course, I wonder if I can even keep up with recording my calorie intake. Keeping track of the calories when trying to lose weight is what really kills me. I have to make sure I plan everything out at the beginning of the day, otherwise I'll find myself starving by the end of the night from eating too much the rest of the day. And then, when I go over my limit for the day... I start fudging. I leave off a snack here and there. Does it really matter if I don't add the 20 calories of chocolate? Yes, it really matters silly girl. You need to record everything. Eat 100 calories too much today? Go for an extra walk.

And of course when all is said and done, what happens when you don't see results? More discouragement, more failure. All the little things you start to see that your really need. Things that would help you keep a more accurate record of exactly how many calories you burned from walking, doing that exercise video, or from doing extra cleaning, packing, moving or whatever else you might do out of the norm.

I start to think, maybe if I could just get a job. Buy that heart rate monitor, buy that mountain bike, get a decent pair of running shoes, etc, etc. Maybe then I could make a real attempt at weight loss. And thus starts the decline of the effort.

I am determined, like so many times before, not to let the little set backs get in the way. I will walk for 30 minutes a day, even if it means I'm just walking circles and circles around the inside of the house when it's way too hot or way too cold to go outside. I will ride that stationary bike in the basement three times a week. I will do that pilates video three times a week. I will faithfully record my calorie intake each and every day. And even if I don't see a change in weight, I will always keep measuring to see if I'm losing inches, because it's not all about the number on the scale.

So... Rant time...

If you are going to talk to a bunch of 'random strangers' about how you are having trouble losing weight... You shouldn't go on to say, over the course of the next three days, they you think you are going to or actually are going to grab a bowl of Peanut Butter Captain Crunch Cereal as a snack. If you are actually going to write about it... That's good. It means your are consciously thinking about your food choices...  Except... the fact that you are getting it... means you probably aren't thinking about it in regards to your health.

While it's not a massive amount of calories, if you actually stick to the serving size... Eating a sugary bowl of cereal... isn't exactly the best choice in snacks. Especially since most people just fill the bowl up to the top (which is usually double the serving size if not more). Then if you add milk... You could be adding another 40-80 calories depending on how much and what type of milk you use. 300 calories =! healthy snack (especially considering when dieting meals tend to be around 300-500 calories in general with one or twoo 100 calorie snack, unless of course one is also working out a lot while trying to lose weight... then you might have higher calorie meals and even more snacks... I myself usually have 300 calories for breakfast, 500 for lunch and 500 for dinner, which leaves enough for me to have two 100 calorie snacks with a bowl of carrots thrown in here and there when I get hungry. :D)

Try grabbing a bowl of carrots. Maybe a salad? It may not hit the spot the same way that cereal might. But it will be a hell of a lot better for you body. Want to sweeten it up a bit to satisfy that sweet tooth? Cut up the carrots and cook them with a tad bit of honey. Add some strawberries to your salad.

Now of course, you should also ask yourself, am I really hungry? Try drinking a small glass of water, wait 10-20 minutes. If you still have the urge for food, get something. After you have the snack, are you still feeling hungry? Try grabbing something high in protein. Maybe a small handful of nuts. Still hungry? Start tracking your calorie, carb (especially that fiber), protein and fat intake. You may find out you aren't getting enough of something your body really needs, which is why it's triggering the 'I'm hungry' button in your brain.

And for goodness sake, don't eat if you are simply bored. Don't keep boxes, bags, containers of food near places you relax or spend several hours. Wandering hands near food make for an increased pants size.

I started editing my Dunai novel again.

I did a total of eleven pages.  It may not be a lot, but I hate editing, so it seems like a lot to me.  Not to mention I haven't done any editing in months.

I'm also working on taking notes on characters and various other things to keep handy so that I can make sure that everything makes sense at the end.

I got up at 7am this morning since I had to take my grandpa back to the airport.  Unfortunately my brother who comes into today, doesn't arrive until just after 4pm.  So I basically get to sit around for 6 hours after I helped my grandpa get over to the plane and get on.  So right now I am posting from a computer at a library near the airport.  I'll be going back soon.  I only have 9 more minutes of time on the internet.  My brother's flight is currently set to arrive almost 20 minutes early.  I hope it doesn't change too much more before I head out since I won't be able to get back on the computer for a while.

I am so tired right now.

It's no secret, I'm overweight.  I wasn't always this way and I always saw one point in my past as the  beginning of the change in my eating habits, I'm starting to realize there is more to it.

I'm a snacker.  If there is something open when I walk by, I'll grab a handful.  If I grab a bag of chips to snack on, it's gone before I realize it.  Things like this have taught me that I always need to close and put away all food stuffs.  If I get chips, I get a small bowl and that's all I can have.  This wasn't really an issue until the internet came along, and then I started

I'm also starting to realize I'm an emotional eater as well.  I keep wanting to eat, eat, eat right now, but I know I shouldn't and I'm trying really hard not to.  The only upside, is that while I'm stressed, upset and emotionally spent, I'm hungry but I can't figure out what I want to eat and most everything sounds disgusting.  The only thing that really does sound good is sweets, which is a problem.  This is even more of a problem because I made cookies.

While my mother is losing weight like crazy through this process, I've been very much afraid to weigh myself.  I have been doing stuff I wouldn't normally do.  Like  yesterday I cleaned the inside of my car.  Today I cleaned the outside of my car and my mom's car.  I'm going to go back over the inside of both cars tomorrow with some fabric cleaner.  I even hopped on the bike yesterday morning.  I'm planning on riding the bike again tonight.  Which means I am getting exercise.  And I have been doing a fair amount of walking around the house and out and about while we take care of issues.  But of course, I have no idea if my calorie intake is exceeding what I'm using up in these exercise like activities.

I'm also starting to get 8 hours of sleep again which is also good.  I'm on a fairly regular schedule now.  Going to bed around 11-11:30 and getting up around 8.  This of course is excellent since sleep is important for losing weight. :D

I'm also dehydrated right now.  I'm trying to make sure I drink lots of water.  I'm getting very dry and lots of headaches.  Though some of the headaches are probably stress related, but the whole not drinking enough water aren't helping with that.

But yeah... I'm so weighing myself in the morning when I get up just so I can see where I'm at.  I think I may have lost weight (my jeans are like loose and stuff), but I'm not sure. D: